From the poet Rumi:
"Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing,
there is a field. I'll meet you there.
When the soul lies down in that grass,
the world is too full to talk about.
Ideas, language, even the phrase each other
doesn't make any sense."
When I eulogized my mom, I began with those words. She loved me unconditionally, without boundaries. She met me "beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing." Mom met me--in whatever state I arrived--with love and understanding.
Now I re-enter life with raw emotions, my tender spots revealed. And I wonder: Who else is grieving, hurting, or rejoicing? Do the strangers I pass feel lonely or anxious? What lies beneath the armor we so habitually wear? I think we're connected, deeply, as humans who navigate this difficult and wondrous world.
In times of sorrow, we have permission to drop the armor; to love and be loved; to grieve and feel. Then the rawness subsides and we return to daily life. Our armor rebuilds. Yet this armor moves us further from Rumi's field--further from acceptance and compassion.
As best I can, I hope to stay unarmored. My intention: keep this heart open to everything life offers; keep this heart open to everybody (including myself). There is a field and it's filled with love, beauty, and awareness.
I'll meet you there.
Such luck to experience the love of your mother. I never had such relationship with my mother. Now she has had Alzheimers for 5 years and I'm not sure about anything. Thinking about you Joy! Sending love and hugs // Agnes
ReplyDeleteMy heart aches reading your words, Agnes. Relationships with parents can be complicated. My mom did not have an easy life (nor did we, as her children), but of one thing I am clear: she loved me fully and fiercely. I send you love and peace. Here's a good question for all of us: how can we live our lives with fewer regrets? Hugs!
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