Yesterday I wrote about doubt. And, not surprisingly, I had a huge doubt attack after sharing so personally. This is the wily way in which doubt works. The antidote to doubt is trust--trust in myself, in my basic goodness, and in the truth of the present moment. Trust that I am okay, just as I am (without any doing, achieving, accomplishing, changing). When I'm mindful, I'm in touch with my kind heart, and I trust. When I'm not mindful, I inhabit fear and doubt and then more busyness. My therapist once said to me, "Joy, everything you need is already inside of you." This is a mantra I've repeated weekly, if not daily. In fact, her statement is true. I'm already okay, enough, strong, lovable, wise, capable--these are things in which I can trust deeply (yet pesky doubt still sneaks in). Each day is another step on the trust path.
Wednesday evening, as Mark and I relaxed in the backyard, I asked him to write the word "TRUST" on my chest with a black Sharpie. All my wonderful hubby asked was, "does it matter what font I use?" I said "no." And then I smiled, as this was all part of the trust exercise. After he emblazoned me with trust, I let it seep in. And I took many self-portraits in order to fully remember and embrace the moment:
These twin posts are wonderful. Thanks for having the courage and faith to share what many, many others experience too. I admire you :)
ReplyDeleteBTW: Did Mark's tongue make it in one of those pics? Impressive!
You are pretty darn awesome!
ReplyDeleteDeep thanks for your supportive comments. They mean so much, especially after baring my soul.
ReplyDeleteSteph: You're right, that is Mark's tongue! I hadn't even noticed. But he did sneak up from behind during my last set of shots. That's an impressive photo bomb.
There is so much to love here. My favourite part of the story is the question about the font. My geeky heart cheered! No, really, my favourite part is how you acted on the urge to call trust into you, to print it on your skin, to take it in through all of your possible senses. That would have been an easy idea to blow off, but you went ahead with it. I am inspired. Also, I can't tell if I'm more impressed with Mark's hijinks to get in there, or Stephanie for noticing it. I love the middle photo that highlights your necklace and the writing - the light is beautiful there, and you positively glow. Wow.
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