January 27, 2013


I notice a pattern in my blog posts. Sometimes I share a tender piece of me; I expose my interactions with difficult emotions (e.g., sadness, shame, doubt, fear). This is my path: telling my story as authentically as possible; creating community through vulnerability. Yet after each of these vulnerability posts, there is ego backlash. Ego harshly whispers in my ear: people will think you're depressing; people won't like you anymore; people will see something is really wrong with you.

I recognize the ego-driven doubt cycle; I see it clearly. And I try to sit with it. I allow the fear to enter my body; I send myself loving-kindness; I notice the fear doesn't overwhelm me, in fact it dissipates; and I do this over and over again. I try not to act from a place of fear. But I recognize something else: I'm always relieved when I have an idea for my next blog post, especially if the post is more upbeat. That is, I don't take action out of fear--I don't purposefully create a deflection post--but I'm relieved when the (upbeat, creative) deflection post arises naturally.

Yesterday I wrote about shame. Today I feel fear and doubt. But this is not a deflection post. This is the truth about my internal backlash on sharing my shame. And I'll let both these posts sit for a while--no deflection needed (only trust).


  1. Hugs, Joy. I, for one, think you're wonderful the way you are. And when you write about feeling vulnerable, it reminds me that it's okay for me to feel that way sometimes too. (Even if I'm not brave enough to admit it.)

  2. Love your blog. Met you in The Art of Composition!

  3. I agree with Dana, Joy. Yet, I deeply understand your conflicting feelings. I find what you share inspiring and real. It makes me admire you even more and gives me courage to share my story in an authentic, honest manner.

    P.S. what an awesome picture with you and Mark in the mirror! Great shot!

    Happy Monday. :)

  4. Dana and Steph: Deep thanks for your supportive words. One blessing of my job at Lawrence is that I've met the two of you. And sometimes the student becomes the best teacher. :)

  5. Hi! I just stopped by from Art of Composition - loved your self-portrait. I totally know exactly what you are feeling after you write a blog post. I don't even have to share anything revealing or super personal to have those exact same intense reactions. Blogging is like that in a lot of ways. We are just putting it out there - we don't always know who is reading it or seeing it (if anyone) or how they are or are not judging us. I love blogging but it has taken me several years to be as comfortable as I am and share what little I do share. I panic every once in a while and worry that people I know IRL that don't know I have a blog will think I am foolish. And I go through much the same process you have described and remind myself it is none of my business what other people think of me - amongst many other things! Great post! Thanks for sharing.

    1. Thanks for stopping by my blog, Margie. Love your comment--so much truth. And I love that the Art of Composition brings us together.