Permission

Initially I resisted my unplugged Saturdays. Now I welcome them. My spirit craves the weekly, 24-hour break from technology. Once I gave myself permission, the hesitation eased. All the what-if scenarios sprinted through my mind (something could go horribly wrong). I let them pass. The only permission I needed was my own.

While on meditation retreats, people agree to Noble Silence. We don't speak. This allows for inward focus; space to watch thoughts and emotions without the distraction of speech. I've been asked if this silence is challenging for me. Just the opposite: the permission to not talk provides great relief. My aversion appears when silence lifts. It's important for me to realize: at any moment, I can choose not to space-fill with my words. (For me, speech contains many long-held, emotion-masking habits. A topic for a different post.) 

Freedom exists in the present moment--if I allow for my experience, as is. If I let in difficult (and pleasant) emotions and investigate. Where does a feeling manifest in my body? Does the location change? Does the feeling change? Is there another emotion underneath? In order to be curious, I first must allow. I must take off my protective armor. I must open my heart.

To allow (to grant ourselves permission) feels counter-intuitive. We're used to rejecting difficult feelings. We're used to striving and improving. The permission of which I write is not acceptance of malicious behavior by others. It's not weak. It's not apathetic. It's the permission to be in this moment (a very brave choice). It's allowing for our own experience, as is. Not trying to change or fix. Just allow. And the only permission we need is our own.