I hit a wall yesterday. Life didn't cooperate with my plan. I felt like Lord Business in The Lego Movie: "You're ruining my perfection!" Desperately, I held tight control. Not real control, just perceived control. That's my habituated reaction to fear, shame, and uncertainty. And I'm sitting in a pile of uncertainty.
I often relearn this lesson: life isn't tidy; life interrupts. Sometimes I move with the flow. Other times I meet my edge. Meeting my edge yesterday was helpful. It exposed my soft spots. I can't fix the world, but I can attend to myself. I can pay attention through all the interruptions: electricity not working, friends' cancer diagnoses, unexpected car repairs, peddling a new business, and my father's heart surgery. I either stay with my edge or abandon myself. I'd rather stay. In these raw, vulnerable moments, I most clearly see my heart--my beautiful, tender heart. These are not interruptions, they are life itself.
Sending you much love and a warm hug, dear and precious friend! Thinking of you and your loved ones and hoping the very best, for both you and them ...
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry for your wall...those always hurt. Your writing always resonates so deeply...and your flower photos are beautiful!
ReplyDeletethank you, elke and sherri. thanks for your appreciation, kindness, and compassion.
ReplyDeleteI know this is a late comment here, but Joy, you totally capture colour so well, those purples and greens and hint of pink in that last shot are just wonderful! Hitting those walls...well...it hurts and then sometimes they are totally opportunities handed to us on a plate. I so hear you and send you big hugs hoping that those particular set of edges have smoothed too. x
ReplyDeletei agree, debs, they are opportunities. and, yes, those edges have smoothed.
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