September 28, 2015

The Raw Places


My mom died at 2am Saturday. I took this photograph five hours later. It reminds me of the vigil we kept for mom. On the hospice floor, we held a 12-hour vigil. The last few hours, we literally encircled her with love--me lying in bed with mom, hand on her heart; my sister sitting by mom's side, stroking her forehead; dad, bowed forward, holding mom's feet; my other sister soothing dad's hands and my feet. It was a circle of love and awareness. She resisted for hours, but then died with some ease. It was difficult, but deeply important and valuable. I have no regrets. 

My heart is filled with both love and sorrow. These are the raw places of which we don't often speak. I'm vulnerable. My heart is cracked open--to the grief and to the beauty. This life is so very precious.

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September 17, 2015

Start Where You Are


Some days I begin with a strong intention, but quickly lose myself in thoughts, externals, or busyness. Life feels chaotic and I feel unsettled. Yet mindfulness has taught me this: remember to remember. Wherever I am--whatever my mind state and actions--I can begin again, right now. If I pause and breathe; if I take an honest yet gentle look inward, I can move forward with intention.  

We often sabotage ourselves by thinking change must be grand. Our inner-critics claim: It's not worth doing if you can't do it full steam and exactly right; or it's not worth doing if you don't have a large chunk of time. Yet lasting change occurs in small, consistent ways. The only requirement is to begin--to start exactly where you are. Meet yourself with kindness and integrity; forgive yourself when you falter; and be brave enough to start again.

(If the embedded audio, 5-minute meditation, takes too long to load, you can go directly to my SoundCloud page.)

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September 9, 2015

Change


Life is uncertain. We might prefer it otherwise, but change happens, often. Maya Angelou wrote: "I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights." She was a wise woman. I'll add a fourth thing: change. I learn a lot about myself in the way I handle change. I see where I flow and where I resist. I see where I want something different or don't want what I get. And I feel how the fight exhausts me. I want to be at peace, not war, with my life. At peace and fully present. So I breathe into the change--breathe and be. I try to find ease--the littlest bit of ease--even in uncertainty.

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