I've been thinking about resilience. The American Psychology Association writes:
"[Resilience] is 'bouncing back' from difficult experiences." But the idiom "bounce back" doesn't feel right to me. To rebound, I must have a hard shell (perhaps elastic, too, but a hardened exterior). Resilience, like courage, doesn't mean being tough or hardened; it means being open, honest, gentle, and strong. Resilience means grieving my mom while living life with an open heart. It means, in the words of Rainer Maria Rilke, "Let everything happen to you: beauty and terror. Just keep going. No feeling is final."
Life is an honest yet gentle practice: I need to stay with the difficult; and I need to be inwardly kind. Resilience allows for everything--even the dark places--but it requires self-compassion. I don't see myself as "bouncing back"; I see myself as feeling, learning, and growing. All the while, keeping my heart open (gently) to everybody, especially myself.
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Sweet woman. I ache for you because I've been there too. Everything you write here would have been so helpful to me 3 years ago. Be gentle with yourself, love. And know that you are in my thoughts. xx
ReplyDeleteThanks, Bella. I remember your powerful writing after your mom's death. I know you understand. Though we all go through grief differently, there are many things we share. Thanks for your love and kindness.
DeleteBeauty and terror, that is what I'm trying to learn. Especially at school becoming therapist. That is a struggle but so much needed for us all. RMR was such a wise man. Thank you for sharing your inner thoughts Joy! Hugs Agnes
ReplyDeleteAnd thank you, Agnes, for your kindness. Hugs to you!
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