Downtime

In March I wrote about craving--particularly the message I receive from Amazon boxes that appear at my door. The subject matter of the selected books lets me know what I crave. But it's not the books themselves I desire--it's the self-nurture. In March, I craved time to cook food and work on creative projects. This summer I purposefully made space for cooking, gardening, photography, and a little poetry. I've pushed my creative boundaries in exciting ways.

But ego snuck in when I wasn't looking. Ego took on the creative projects in a must-do, this-is-your-self-worth, stay-hooked-to-the-computer way. (This was a gradual process; ego is quite wily.) So what arrived on my doorstep recently? Pleasure reads. Books in which I can lose myself. Books for fun. Do I actually crave these specific books? No. I crave downtime. I crave a day where I have no plans; a day where I can start a book and perhaps finish it before bed. It's summer and my schedule is very flexible--this is precisely the time to leisurely enjoy an unstructured day. Yet I haven't. Interesting how ego works.

The good news: 1) I've made exciting creative leaps this summer, and 2) I spied ego early-ish in the process. Really, what more can I ask? This is the pathway of life. And sometimes, I receive a gift at just the right moment: yesterday I lolled at the Kohler Water Spa with two of my best friends. Any moment is an opportunity to change habits. Yesterday was a lovely reminder.