November 15, 2013

What Happened on Monday


My niece Emma gave a suggestion for this blog: include a few whimsical or what-happened-this-weekend posts ("your blog is cool, but sometimes it's like really deep"). Emma also made a PowerPoint presentation where she offered me new career paths (e.g., Mrs. Clause, children's book author, rickshaw operator). She's a creative, soulful, and humorous girl. This post is in her honor.

Monday was weird. It was exactly my vision of morning routine: meditation, breakfast, free writing, work on my book that's not a f***ing book. Yet my words felt forced and my mood dark. So I took a walk with my camera. (Yes! Take a break and do another creative activity. It's all part of my vision.) The weather was cold and windy. My hands went numb. I shot a few photographs and returned home. All day this tape played in my head: my writing voice makes me want to vomit; it's always the same--blah, blah, blah; this is torture.

Later, I wept on the stairs described my discomfort to Mark. His response: "Isn't that what all writers think? In fact, doesn't that indicate you're actually a writer?" In the midst of my doubt attack, I smiled then laughed. My husband is observant and funny. (Maybe he should be the writer.)

That night I spoke with Emma on the phone. In a previous email she asked, "Have you published a book yet?" After rich and varied conversation, I mentioned the book--no, I haven't published anything, but I have topics and notes for nine chapters. Her enthusiastic response: "Really?!" Yes, it's the book about life + photography. "No, I meant the children's book." Again, I smiled then laughed. She shared helpful advice: children love bright colors, curvy lines, and inanimate objects that talk. (Maybe she should be the writer.)

Besides all the laughter, there is some good news. When I danced around my living room to loud music I felt no doubt or judgment. Do you think Florence & The Machine needs untrained yet spirited back-up dancers? 

6 comments:

  1. Isn't it lovely to have 'coaches' among our family members? I am blessed with one as well and I feel deeply grateful. It's wonderful having a friend, a mentor, a soulmate, a sounding board and a cousin at the same time, all in one person. I am happy for you that you have a niece like your's. Please know that I am behind your plans as well: the world is waiting to read your voice on paper too :) Wishing you a special Sunday!

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    1. thanks, elke. for this and for the beautiful postcards. i'm honored to have you as part of my creative tribe.

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  2. I think the WORLD needs spirited dancers, just like you. In fact, exactly you. Ah yes, the writing. Nodding. I understand. The stairs and weeping and laughing and trying and believing and doubting. I am so glad you have this space is your life to stretch and see and think and dance. Beautiful post. Your niece sounds a riot.

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    1. deep thanks, pam. your words mean the world to me--the voice of experience. yes, my niece is a riot. you two would get along splendidly.

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  3. Maybe if we work on Just Dance 2 over Thanksgiving, you can add 'trained dancer' to your resume... :-)

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    1. oh, jenny, i LOVE your thinking. a little "just dance" and i'm sure i'd be ready to tour. thanks for this comment. and thanks for your wonderful daughter (and son; sam's awesome, too).

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